Stubbornly Committed to Feeling
A sign that you are home
My friends,
I wrote this letter from the sunroom in the house I moved into not too long ago. I’m baking in here, uncomfortable from the hot summer sun but stubbornly committed to creating something in a new room that makes my insides feel good. This room brings me closer to my art practice, to the work I would like to do, and to the things I want to say.
Friends, what makes your insides feel good? Right now for me it’s the week I ate breakfast out of a thrifted Bass Pro fishing themed mug that reads ‘Reel Cool Grandpa’. And the first opportunity to wear a pair of charmingly ridiculous pants. Why? Because wearing gingham pants with an embroidered shamrock on the right ass cheek feels good and that silly mug reminds me of Arkansas, and isn’t it nice to pause when your spirit finds something it’s fond of?
Last week I attended a pride writing workshop that altered my insides completely. This workshop was so sweet in community and ripe with generative ideas. I love meeting people. Something takes over my body when I find myself in spaces that feel exciting and new. I glow all over. So imagine my delight at my first opportunity to combine this with writing. Because for me, writing makes me feel alive. I even shocked myself by volunteering to read a few lines I wrote! I spoke into a microphone! In public! I’m still riding the high of this night of firsts.
Which leads me to a dream I had recently of a rainbow. In my mind, the arc filled the sky, framing the farm I grew up on. And would you know it friends, the next evening NYC experienced a bold, clear rainbow. Folks took pictures, someone I love sent me a glimpse of that bright light in the sky. They asked me more about my dream and this connection made me feel hopeful. Living in a dream and noticing the living. Which reminds me, are you aware of how delightfully cheerful New York City is right now? Talk about hope, love, dreams, and the divine power of unity! I’m taking my rainbow dream and my new city as a sign that I am finally home.
So I ask again, what makes you feel good? What life experiences have left your insides completely rearranged? I’m tuned to my surrounding good fortune after a few years of answering questions from the dark, but I have the capacity to hold both. Maybe your insides are a delightful Lisa Frank picture (my dream also included a pond of giggling baby orcas) or maybe your insides are twisted up in the shadows. Both/and/more is possible and a-ok. Together we can make space around whatever life wants us to notice. Take real good care of yourself & others out there!
With love & possibility,
Jordan
You are inspiring. And now I need a “reel cool grandpa” mug.
“Living in a dream and noticing the living.” 😙👌🏽